Oakland Graffiti taken from my iPhone
For some reason, the way we collect sounds and create languages (and some sociologists might argue that language and words help create culture) are somehow also able to conjure up limitless power over people. It’s easy to see how a belief in spells is something acceptable to rational people. Offensive language seems to have its own ability to sensationalize, enrage, or enrapture certain people making them, in their own right, spells. The mere opening of one’s mouth and emitting a series of sounds can be just as strong as a strike or a jolt. Things like context, cadence, or mood can completely change a word.
Context:
BDSM/Sex: When I’m playing or having a scene, words like “slut, bitch, whore, tramp, etc” are turn-ons for me. There are certain people who can make me instantly wet without any use of their body or mine just by saying or whispering these types of words to me. Neutrality, whispering, or descriptive use are all highly effective, but a shout with a negative tint to it won’t get me hot. Yelling has never been anything of an aphrodisiac for me at all. Actual military/boot camp type training isn’t going to get me randy. On the other hand, I am willing to respond positively to something like that on screen because I *know* I’m a character on a set; that I’m a performer on a stage. As an exhibitionist, that has an allure all its own.
There are also surrounding words that kill the mood for me. I can be turned on by being called, “slut” but the minute someone calls me a, “stupid slut,” I will safeword on the scene. I am also unable to respond positively to most animal names. A partner is limited to feline terms like, “pussy, leopard, tiger, or kitty” but never canine terms even though I adore dogs and I think my puppy play friends are adorable. I can’t even do porn acting with this. I will not accept being called a whale, or a cow, or a dog nor will I tolerate any slight to my intelligence. There is no question that when if I’m licking someone’s boots that I am their bitch, but even if I commit an egregious error I am no one’s dumb bitch.
Description: Depending on whom I am speaking with, “slut, bitch, whore, tramp, etc” are all acceptable. In a political moment, I am proud to be a whore and a slut. There are times when I will acknowledge to myself (or accept as guiding criticism) that I’m being a bitch. I have non-professional friends where these terms can all be used. I *do* accept money for sex, ergo I am a whore. There are also times when I am a business woman, a performer, a star, a sex worker, a ‘ho, or a buddy. Semantics are everything when it comes to description. Being sexually open, a tart, promiscuous, or a slut all have similar dictionary definitions but every single person can tell you how playing Madlibs with these words tell entirely different stories. Is someone a pornographer or an eroticist or an artist? The differences between these words even mean something different in our courtrooms, museums, and internet filters.
Biological: In terms of body parts, I can still be a little iffy here and there. “Pussy, twat, cunt,” or even ”slag” can all be hot but “fuck hole” can still be triggering for me unless it is done perfectly or on camera. Are formal medical terms sexy? Do I want my vagina or my cunt fisted? Do I want to grip a penis or a cock?
And while we’re on the topic, Lenny Bruce once mentioned a great point while he was fighting obscenity charges for his groundbreaking work as a stand-up comedian (but in my book, a brilliant and artistic writer): more than half of the population performs the fine act of fellatio (oral sex, giving head, etc.) but calling someone a “cocksucker” for most of America brings up the immediate image of gayness. Roland Barthes uses the “tree” analogy for how each of our minds creates a different image for a different word and although we may both be generally thinking of the same thing, we have very different specifics surrounding it and potentially changing its meaning. I think “cocksucking” is a much better analogy myself. A bio-medical act of oral-genital stimulation means a million different things depending and who says it, how they say it, and their own culture behind it. For me, being an optimal cocksucker is a very positive thing. For many others, it is degrading even if they themselves enjoy receiving the act.
You can keep going on with this type of thing. There is an entire field of study just about language that one can focus on in universities: it is linguistics, it is semantics, it is anthropology, it is literature. Words are important to us and academics spend more than just a little bit of time studying about them.
Semantics are sexy to me and I think about them constantly. The way I play personally, the way I play professionally, my work as a writer and an artist, my access to people in different locations, and what makes me raise a first are all real life reactions I handle everyday as a result of the words used about me. We don’t think about the process we go through when we experience it, but every single person who understands even the most basic elements of their own language is doing some very sophisticated analysis.
And I’ve barely scratched the surface on this subject because I can go on for days. What about groups? What about recognizable groups? To those who know that I enjoy same-sex activities, I am able to use words like, “dyke, fag, or queer,” but to someone without this knowledge I look and possibly sound like an uneducated bigoted heterosexual because I appear very feminine. Even in a boyish looking tank top, a pair of jeans, giant boots, and a huge belt buckle my long hair and my curves still seem to shout, “straight girl! hipster!” to most people. It just so happens that I consider myself a pretty big homo most of the time. When I had a shaved head, however, people were surprised that I was dating a man. When is it appropriate for me to talk about queer politics or same sex rights? When a group of people know that I am a huge activist and HIV health fighter, I can speak differently about the epidemic than I can when people don’t have this information.
Cadence:
There are some people with voices that could make a reading of the dictionary sexy and they can do so with very little effort. For some, it is an accent we fetishize. It can also be presence, tone, and timing. What someone whispers into my ear is different than what is shouted at me from across the street. What is said in between the sheets if different than on a shoot. Cadence has a valuable impact on my arousal. When I call someone’s dominance into question (which many partners have unfortunately suffered through) I often laugh, outright, at their attempts with dominant language being used on me even though I find them very strong and dominant with other partners.
Mood:
I write this now because of the timing and the ambivalence I am experiencing from my recent trip. In a place where sex work is so taboo it is barely discussed let alone addressed has impacted my beliefs on words about it. Although I haven’t even touched on race, experiencing an immediate belief about my erotic, monetary, and personal value entirely on my skin color has truly altered my ideas about racial language. I know that this happens everyday in a non-mutually exclusive way here in an incredibly diverse town in the United States, being part of a privileged minority and having it unabashedly called out many times a day has forced me to reconsider what this all means. Knowing that in Tanzania, homosexual acts are still punishable by law by homosocial acts are the cultural norm changes the way I view sexual indicators. In America, it is unlikely that you would run into a pack of single-sex men who live together in a tree house where they make art and jewelry together, dance with one another, and hold hands and know that every single one was straight. In the U.S., even the way one wears their clothing or speaks says volumes about their sexuality.
When I am in a space more open and willing to submission, submissive language can go further for me than it can when I’m feeling strictly masochistic. There are times when I want to discuss technique, the news, the weather, or just plain pal-around with someone physically hurting my body with a whip, crop, or cane because my mood has rendered sexual language useless. There are times when my mood can make a face slap a challenge and other times when it brings me to tears. For the most part, it is comfort than entices sobbing from me rather than bodily injury or harsh language. Feeling challenged, supported, sexual, and on and on all alter the power of words.
And it is all about the ever-evolving pace of my sexuality. There are times when I wish to study intensely as a slave so that I may be a great mistress and there are times when I think that old guard notions are pointless and we identify as we do and that’s why there are classes for technique in pretty much every major city. There are times when I am a hot and willing slut who is insatiable for sex and there times when I just to be a hot and willing slut for classic film, watch The Crimson Kimono ,and talk about film noir theory all night long.
We’re all like this because we’re human and we have brains that jump through hurdles we never think about all because of language. And semantics do matter and we do reclaim words and as proud as we are about many things, we will pick and choose based on our times, places, audiences, and moods. It just goes to show you that we’re still learning about an organ powered by blood, oxygen, and electricity and that sex can never be simple because even without words, we speak volumes. As there are growing movements to reclaim words I am in and out, an activist and an opposer from time to time.
The one thing that will not change is my dedication to the 1st Amendment that allows us all to speak our minds without government interference. Though I rarely agree with how opponents to my lifestyle speak about it, I believe they have every right to say it as they do on the TV, radio, and the news and that it is my battle to make them think about it. I’m not easily pegged as queer or a sex worker (especially not one in porn) based on my looks but I am out because it makes someone reconsider what it means to be a lifestyle BDSM player, a whore, sexually adventurous, or just a slut. When you say tree, I may think of a redwood and you may think or a large cactus. Isn’t it funny that despite these huge disparities, we are technically speaking the same language?
Interesting. I have always found it odd how people do get upset about "words", no matter what the intention. Personal I find someone shouting "you fudging fool" just as bad, if not worse, that if they hadn't replaced the swearing. I have, for a long time, wonderd if words that make people "like us" hot work in the same way as swearing I.E. Are the words processed in a different way.
"I like mixing the severity of my curse words – that gosh-darned cunt."… You know, I had forgotten that you share my love for sound and language. Thanks for reminding me. ;-)
Maggie,My sub loves, make that LOVES when I call her a trampy slut that is a prisoner to her own pussy. Both of us agree that she is not, nor will she ever be a dumb slut or a stupid slut. However, if I call her a slut in the right way, she is dripping (her words, not mine).I also learned years ago that it really isn't that hard to make a woman cum with your voice. You have to know her trigger points, but once you do, she is putty in your hands. I very calmly gave my gf multiple o's by merely talking to her. There wasn't a foul word spoken. I knew what Sandy liked and I quietly whispered it to her after the lights were out. I never touched her physically, but she had several climaxes. Once you take part in that, you tend to remember it for the rest of your life. It also makes you very observant of what future partners like.Your devoted fan and I hope your friend,Paul