Ah, the joys of federally funded abstinence educators. They were a dime a dozen back in the days of Bush, but hopefully with a new administration we’ll have people who present facts accurately rather than people who cross the ‘separation of church and state’ boundary by receiving tax payer dollars to espouse religious views to teens across the country.
Here is a nice list of some of the most batshit insane abstinence educators for you to look at and hopefully support organizations that actually provide sex education.
Yes, yes I really did type “Abstinence Clown.” Derek Dye would wear horrific sweaters, balance ladders on his nose, and then tell teens, “Having sex before marriage is like juggling machetes.” Sadly, Derek was LOLed off the interwebs. Although his YouTube video had 20,000+ views, he pulled it, whined on his website about it “being taken out of context” and then disappeared. I would link to his site, but it is now gone. “Empowered by Truth” is now empowered by a placeholder ad. There is nothing quite as sad as the tears of an abstinence clown.
Profit margin: Derek Dye worked with the Elizabeth New Life Center which received a grant of $800,000. The Elizabeth New Life Center does actually have a website, but apparently they spent all of that money on a kink-seeking browser missile because the damn page persists on crashing my system every time I load it. Click at your own risk.
I don’t have to sell you on Mr. Lookadoo, because he has a video all about himself.
I know he sounds a little wacky in this video, but he’s pissed a few people off here or there. I think he’s a little sexist, myself, but please do me a favor and go Video #2 and tell me if I’m being paranoid. I just get the feeling he’s more than a little into subjugating vaginas.
Profit Margin: $1,995 for Justin to provide up to four screenings of his film “Look Before You Leap” at your school. Totally check out his most awesomely excellent film trailer. It’s rated “T” for teen because, “if it’s too intense, YOU’RE TOO OLD.”
Keith Deltano is famous for his CBT, I mean, his compelling educational device of holding cinderblocks over the testicles of 17 year old boys. There were videos of this, but when they got out among the rational world they were pulled for “copyright” infringement. Now I like a lot of kinky things. Terrorizing teenagers with concrete blocks is not one of them. Furthermore, I think there is some 2257 paperwork you have to fill out to do that.
Profit Margin: I don’t have an actual booking fee as it was not published on his site, but it did have this to say:
What about costs? Keiths fee is flat, it doesn’t matter if you have 300 or 3000 in attendance. Many organizations use a “community approach” by asking different groups/churches to donate towards covering expenses. Often the sponsoring organization does more than break even. They end up holding a youth/parent rally and a fundraiser.
Deltano is often funded through Crisis Pregnancy Centers who happen to get a lot of federal funding and private donations and he gets a booking fee as well. Double dipping, not bad, Keith.
Using the urban style of today’s youth, the Passion For Christ Movement or P4CM (as the kids call it these days) will not only come and speak at your event, they also have merchandise. All of your holiday shopping is complete:
Other options include: EX-abortionist, EX-Rebel, EX-lesbian, EX-atheist, and EX-hustler. I think that EX-slave is kind of cute, myself.
Profit Margin: I disagree with their mission and I think they are batshit insane, but these guys have integrity. The 1st Amendment includes them and they are upfront about a religious agenda and evangelism. They do not take tax payer dollars for their mission. They think I’m damned, I think they’re crazy, we both understand where the line between church and state is.
- My favorite, Pam Stenzel.
I have a special place in my heart for Pam Stenzel because I had to watch her videos in the 7th, 8th, and 11th grades. I have seen “Sex Has a Price Tag” as well as its sequel, “Sex STILL Has a Price Tag” in both the Christian and the secular versions. I remember the first time I heard her saying, “If you have sex outside of the context of marriage, you will pay,” and I knew it was bullshit then and I’m really fucking pissed off about it now.
Pam Stenzel got her degree from Liberty University and bases her knowledge and expertise as a speaker from her years at a “Pregnancy Crisis Center.” This is where a large amount of my vitriol for her originates. Everyone else on this list has walking nut-case red flags all over them. Pam Stenzel is not just stealth religious agenda taking federal cash, she has her roots in outright lies.
A pregnancy crisis center sounds a lot like a legitimate medical facility and does everything in its power to look and sound like a clinic. They offer free pregnancy tests and counseling and use deceptive titles like prochoice.com. Many websites and information resources detail the differences but these centers rely on an image of professional care when they are not medical providers. Check out some of these links if you aren’t familiar with the topic and then listen to the way Pam speaks about her days at the Pregnancy centers. She speaks very much like a clinician, but she does not actually possess a clinical background. Pam Stenzel has an incredible command of rhetoric. I think she is, without a doubt, the smartest person on this list. The others really wear their crazy on their sleeve and it colors everything they have to say. Pam has the same agenda and is just as batshit as the others, but her demeanor and skill make her infinitely more pernicious.
Profit Margin: $5000 a gig plus travel for two. She is traveling roughly 14 days out of every month. Ka-ching!
I mention profit because aside from P4CM, these folks have received federal dollars for their batshit insane approaches, ideas, and lies. Tax dollars. Your dollars. Hopefully this will meet its much needed end because comprehensive sex education is what our teens need.
“I am now going to give you the medical definition of sex. This is the medical line over which you cannot step. And if you have ever stepped over this line, you’ve risked disease and you need to get tested. And don’t you dare — don’t you dare! — tell anyone you’re a virgin…. Here is the line over which you cannot step: absolutely no genital contact of any kind. None. Yup, that includes oral sex. If you have had oral sex, you are not a virgin. And don’t you tell anyone that you are.” -Pam Stenzel in 2007
Yup, your man Lookadoo does not like women. But its just fine; he only hates the Bad women. Its like walking into a house and smelling pot smoke. You know whats going on in spite of all the fast talking.Same as the line about loving the sinner and hating the sin. You can have all the hate and none of the guilt.The hate is there in spades for these speakers. They are teaching young people fear, shame, misogyny, misandry, and self-loathing. It makes me mad as hell. And Stenzel has been to my Australia! Now its personal.
"Having sex before marriage is like juggling machetes."What's wrong with juggling machetes? I have friends who make a living juggling machetes. I once turned up at San Quentin Prison with machetes in the car (and had to go park a long way away and walk back, but that's another story.) Machetes are the jugglers friend, especially in places where they won't let you juggle flaming torches.The answer to my question is that there is nothing wrong with juggling machetes (or flaming torches) if you know what you are doing and take appropriate safety precautions, and the same is true for sex before marriage. So, actually, I have to agree with the guy, extramarital sex is like juggling machetes.
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