1. Gracefully accept bondage in Tibetan Prayer Flags.
2. Well read on sustainable rattan for caning.
3. Enjoys art, literature, music, and theory from non-canonical sources.
4. Always has fair trade, single origin coffee freshly ground and nearly prepared with almond milk and honey before my waking.
5. Can prepare at least 5 tasty vegan dishes at a moment’s notice.
6. Understand the point and purpose of a proper tea ritual and can execute one well.
7. Puts time and effort into self-awareness skills.
8. Worships my Birkenstocks.
9. Carries the Camelback on hikes.
10. Can pitch a tent on command and help set up overnight camping accommodations.
11. Keeps a stash of non-latex bandaids so I can treat blisters without turning into a lobster.
12. Makes bulk purchases of dry goods and makes sure they don’t run low.
13. Will read me high caliber, literary quality poetry to woo or relax me.
14. Has a bowl packed for me.
15. Applies yoga to the bedroom.
16. Cleans and sterilizes all the sex toys with earth-friendly cleaners.
17. Handcrafts gifts or finds second-hand treasures or found gifts before substituting capitalism for devotion.
18. Organizes all the vitamins and supplements.
19. Has lawyer guild information and a sharpie at all protests.
20. Strives to come up with unique honorifics with personal meaning rather than adopting traditional class monikers.
21. Studies and practices non-violent communication.
22. Gives a dedicated massage skillfully.
23. Comfortable in a gender queer hyperspace.
24. Fluent in natural, paraben and glycerin free lubricants.
25. Prefers rechargable vibrators to battery powered ones.
26. Has candles for every occasion.
27. Knows their way around establishing a sexy bath with music, illumination, reading, and a local organic wine.
28. Doesn’t ever mind getting dirty.
29. Is grateful for muscles made sore from work or play.
30. Volunteers for good causes in between dates.
31. Loves getting to know my body beyond the way I present it to the public.
32. Thinks my body hair is sexy.
33. Has the right incense for the moment.
34. Strives for greater intentionality with their actions.
35. Willing to let sex happen for as long as it needs to happen between us and our partners.
36. Knows that I may not get off the way they want me to get off today.
37. Wants to have the best time possible with me every time we are together without predetermining what that will look like.
38. Will book a hot tub trip when things get stressful.
39. Listens openly and fully.
40. Loves to wrestle with rambunctious dogs.
41. Wouldn’t ever be caught in public with disposable chopsticks.
42. Manages all of the state, county, city, and regional wilderness permits for nature adventures.
43. Will fix a tent or sleeping bag zipper quickly and without complaints.
44. Enjoy SM activities with found natural objects, like porcupine quills.
45. Promotes consent.
46. Sees sexual activities as potentials rather than obligations.
47. Is pleasure positive.
48. Stays well hydrated.
49. Knows the right kinds of coconut water to buy
50. Has a glass of fresh beet juice ready for me when I need it the most.
51. Can make buckwheat pancakes taste fantastic.
52. Enjoys queer, indie porn.
53. Gardening is a turn-on.
54. Wears organic and sustainable clothing when clothes are needed.
55. Knows every nude beach within 500 miles.
56. Has a spice rack that turns into a bondage rack.
57. Wants me to pour the contents of my Diva Cup all over their chest.
58. Loves to climb and dangle from trees.
59. Can feast on fresh fruit and veggies.
60. Will eat my hairy pits like pussy.
61. Has a tincture that can help with most problems.
62. Has a mean, sexy, soul shaking jazz collection.
63. Knows how to make illuminating and tasty magic mushroom truffles.
64. Can still critically read through scientific documentation and back up claims with data.
65. Has eyes that twinkle likes stars when sleeping under them.
66. Untangles the hammock and the bondage rope.
67. Can recite “The Owl And The Pussycat” by Edward Lear in full with a spoon balanced on their nose because it delights me.
68. Looks hot in drag, whatever that is.
69. Wears butt plugs to galleries and museums to understand the art better.
70. Has the utmost respect for me when I’m using powertools to build a treehouse.
71. Is such a serious finger-banger, they have a dedicated wrist brace for it.
72. Thinks street food is way better than 5 Star Cuisine.
73. When traveling, loves to stay at social hostels and take public transit.
74. Can have a long conversation with virtually any stranger in a quiet place.
75. Would never dream of bringing me cut flowers but would bring me a great potted plant.
76. Sometimes adds a pirouette, leap, or twirl into a mundane stroll down the street.
77. Tips well, including street performers.
78. Thinks that bugs are cool, not scary.
79. Prefers showering under waterfalls.
80. Throws a hand down when I need a lift and accepts mine.
81. Loves all the people.
82. Laughs out loud as often as possible, moans when eating, and slaps their knee for a tasty drink.
83. Knows that gods are metaphors for us.
84. Gets high on the smell of books.
85. Will flash or moon me when I don’t need to be so serious.
86. Can intuit the difference between my hurt or anger with them from my need for food, sleep, or sanctuary.
87. Really enjoys being bent over and properly fucked by me.
88. Willing to share their tears, snot, shouts, or anxiety with me.
89. Doesn’t know if the hills get higher or the valleys lower but will keep moving forward with me.
90. Knows that a concept like “true north” is a beautiful fiction that keeps us going.
91. Will carry my rage on their back if they can through blows, punches, and snarls.
92. Can open themselves to my hand in their mouth or their body.
93. Takes my spit and slime inside them.
94. Throws rocks up at a the moon and howls, sometimes.
95. Will do interpretive dance when words stop working.
96. Licks honey from the web of my fingers as the sweetness drips between them.
97. Holds me while I masturbate so they can feel my whole body quake when I come.
98. Will breathe in synchronicity with me at my lead.
99. Puts the beating in “beatnik.”
100. Makes all their actions a mitzvah.