Category Archives: About me

Link Love

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Bawdy Storytelling Photos by Neuoptik Photography

Masters of psychedelic art: My household growing up had a lot of Peter Max and I always enjoyed the bright tertiary colors and flowing lines. Not surprisingly, art that appeals to someone tripping also appeals to kids. Although a lot of folks might want to decry this genre because of its illicit associations there is a tremendous amount of skill and theory applied here. It’s worthy of study and appreciation in all states of consciousness. It’s also had a massive impact on popular art since its inception.

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No fap isn’t a challenge, it’s a way of life.” As a logical counterpoint to Reddit’s constant stream of ‘fap material’ is a forum of young men dedicating their time and energy to not fapping as a new take on the old idea of preserving masculinity by abstaining from masturbation.

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100% Men is a Tumblr dedicated to depicting companies and corporatations whose leadership is 100% male.

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The Mysterious Island Of The Dolls in Mexico is creepy and compelling to look at.

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Men should read Hegel before dating is a short video from the coming documentary “Monogamy and its Discontents.”

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High school student calls out Pam Stenzel for slut shaming. Her school principal is a total tool with bad ideas on educating teens who engages shaming behavior of his own. Wellesley welcomes their incoming student after the debacle over Twitter. I wrote about Pam Stenzel in 2009 after bearing a grudge from having to watch her horrible “Sex Has a Pricetag” videos in junior high and high school. Pam Stenzel is a lying liar who lies to teens about sex. She makes students feel bad about themselves and their sexuality. May she be known for what she is. I wrote about Stenzel in 2009.

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Salvador Dali’s wife Gala was known as the “demon pride” and is said to have outdone him with her own set of sexual perversities, megalomania, and lust for cash.

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The Revolution Will Not Be Funded is an anthology that questions the impact of the non-profit industrial complex on enacting social change. I think it’s crucial to consider this and I’ve certainly had my own clashes of this nature.

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The Mating Octopus in photos. For all you cephalopod lovers out there.

ImageTriptychs by Mattie Brice explores labels and labeling through the lens of gaming and other personal identifiers. As always, she’s brilliant voice in the gaming community and radical bloggers at large.

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Musings On Mold

I can’t remember the PIN number to my handy-dandy, hippie-dippie credit union bank card. I’ve had it for sometime and I’ve never experienced a problem like this before in my life. All of the other uncharacteristic “brain farts” or missing pieces I could vaguely explain away to myself as cannabis or the one-size-fits all favorite, “getting older.”

There are things you know you forget. There are things you know are the most vulnerable to being forgotten during stressful times. Then there are things you just don’t forget.

My PIN number is one of things I just don’t forget and when I stood at the register of the grocery store trying to pick up just a few items for my anti-mold diet staring at my dumb fingers at the keypad with neither the muscle memory to type it out nor the ability to recall the sequence I knew that it was going to be a long recovery process.

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Photo Post

 

The Mayhems:

Our apartment had a mold situation “blossom” out of control. It pretty much ate up our lives and health. Let me tell you: Black Mold is awful! It made us sick, probably killed our cat Floozy, was a disaster for everything we owned, and we were kinda homeless for awhile looking for a friendly place for us and our (surviving) cat and dog. We did valiant battle against mold and junked most of our belongings and found new lodging.

We also presented the PSIgasm at South by Southwest . I was profiled at Nerve. Appeared at Naughty Natural.  Went to Merida, Mexico in the Yucatan. I also stopped by the Products are Hard conference in San Francisco.  I’m also still trying to plan a wedding party. Talk about stress city! It’s been a hectic month and it took a lot out of us. It was great to see Texas and Merida even if it meant having last minute cancelled flights, blizzards, lost baggage (TWICE!!!!), hotel fires, travel snafus, and other insanity.

Enjoy the photos and I’ll be working on writing some insane bullshit for you all to enjoy.

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2013: A New Year

Here are some photos from Christmas 2012-January 2013. I’ve been soooooo busy. Ned and I drove from Oakland all the way up to Seattle, WA for the holidays. It was an 800 mile journey. Folsom came with us and got to see both snow and sliding glass doors for the first time. We used AirBnB for our road trip accomodations and we were really, really thrilled. I would so much rather share my money with an individual than some shitty chain hotel company. It’s a fun way to get to know people AND we were also happy to meet people who didn’t mind our very energetic and enthusiastic mastiff/lab in their homes. Have I told you all lately how much I LOVE peer to peer interfaces and software?

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January 28, 2013 · 1:36 pm

2012

2012 was something of a wild year.

In January, Ned and I were proud to be a part of the SOPA blackout and we took down our websites in opposition. I’m really suspicious of anti-piracy efforts and I really believe that it’s more effective to brainstorm new ways to provide art and erotic content to interested media consumers. I am also terrified of web censorship and legislation that empowers corporate entities and not internet users.

February was a crazy wild month! I was at Yale and Princeton! I performed in San Diego, I spoke at BIL. I was on a panel with Gail Dines.

In March I was burned out and went hiking and jerked off for awhile recuperating from severe wipeout.

April was a very special month for me because I did some top secret paperwork that was really special. It was also the Feminist Porn Awards and our website was unable to process any credit card payments because Visa banned us for sacrilegious content. Rosaries in my vagina were too much for them. We made it a free porn weekend and set up a mirror to maintain the images and appease Visa.

In May I did some awesome traveling to Los Angeles and the Yucatan Peninsula. I also picked apart dominatrix shaming in ‘sex positive’ critique. I still don’t think that a lot of people comprehend what it means to exist outside of the law, especially in a post Prop 35 world. In this month, a beloved former employer of mine was stabbed to death in Santa Cruz, CA. I used to work at Camouflage as a college student. Her loss was sudden, tragic, and inexplicable. It was a shocking blow and my love is so deeply extended to her husband and to the Camo team both past and present who were touched by her life. I also spoke at FarmHouse Conf which I really enjoyed.

In June I proudly supported Kink Live models who spoke out about bad faith business practices by Kink.Com and shared some of my correspondence with the CEO that didn’t match what he had been sharing with the press. I also moderated a panel about 2nd generation non-monogamy with Ned and his family at Open SF.

July was sadly the month when Hollie Stevens passed away from breast cancer. She was a baller.

August was another month with a loss, this time taking my awesome cat Floozie. She had been a rescue kitty and was a brilliant and sweet Siamese-Tortie. I adopted her because she attempted to stow away in my purse. She slept right next to me on her first night in my apartment and snuggled up every night. She got her name from sitting on everyone’s lap. I also called out Maymay, a vocal critic with great ideas and very abusive tactics. This was an awkward process and I stand by my words. Fetish model Natali Demore also passed away in a shocking and tragic manner.

In September I talked about why I gave up shaving for a bold disco bush. I also spoke at Arse Elektronika which is an awesome, awesome sex and tech fest. I also was part of the Keynote Plenary at Catalyst Con.

October was my birthday month. I turned 28 very, very quietly and without fanfare. I also mused on what goes into sex worker activism.

In November we did some voting things. Prop 35 passed, striking fear into the hearts of sex workers through the state of CA and in many other states as well. CA sets a lot of legal precedents so I imagine we’re going to see similar legislation pop up in other places.

So far in December I’ve been supporting Ned through his physics qualitative exams and proudly celebrated his success. He is now a PhD candidate, not far from becoming Dr. Mayhem. I’ve also been keeping up with literary and political study.

I appeared in three films this year, Fast Girls, Fixed Gears and a G Spot and Female Ejaculation Edu-porn both directed by Madison Young as well as Strap It On by Filly Films directed by Lily Cade. I made multiple appearances at The Crashpad and did lots of work with Meet The Mayhems. I also got busy and really, really low budget dirty over at Extra Lunch Money where you can book me for private erotic shows, custom videos, and dirty texting.

In 2013:

I’ll be at SxSW with the PSIgasm! I’ve enjoyed getting out of the sex bubble to explore humanism, entheogens, broader philosophical ideas, direct political action, and esoteric thought. I really want to meet people in other strange and weird settings to share my ideas about the eroticism of alien abductions, anti establishment sex work, mental health, sensible drug policy and more. I’m really hoping to hear from people who would like to meet me and swap ideas.

I’ll be looking forward to travel and I’ll also be planning a wedding. This has been something I’ve been very shy about but it has been wonderful news for awhile. We Mayhems are very much in love and we’ve been hoping to celebrate. I think a lot of people over estimate how much money is in our wallets and we don’t have a lot. It’s a largely bohemian existence we live in queer porn but it’s filled with love and optimism. We’ve really enjoyed sharing our sexuality and relationship model with others. In some many ways, I married him in my heart when we worked together in Haiti. We don’t have a conventional relationship but that’s for the birds–we’ll take love and Mayhem any day.

I’ve been saving my pennies to put together a reception for friends and family but things will probably be very moderate. My concerns are ambiance, good food, good jazz, and good wine. I’m not terribly worried about a dress and right now I’m sporting then ring my grandfather gave my grandmother. It’s very old so sizing it has been a struggle and it’s missing a few stones. Still, I don’t see the need to rush out and put more diamonds into the world.

It’s been a very exciting year and although this year did have a number of painful losses, it was also a year of tremendous love and growth. I think I would have felt more despair and less success without my partner by my side. I’m a very small Mayhem with a shoe string budget and a lot of big dreams. I’ve been excited by the oppportunities presented to me for progress. I think I’m learning to write better and my speaking engagements are more diverse and strong.

Thanks to everyone for the love and support they’ve offered. I really am looking forward to getting to know more of you and to keep branching out into new and exciting fields of thought.

*************

I am excited about booking and publishing offers and always appreciate tokens of appreciation from my wishlist. Thanks for reading!

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Gratitude

I can turn the information and knowledge I have/have access to into action. I can make the choice to eat fresh whole foods and drink fresh and clean water. I am grateful.

I can hold my lover and my life partner in public and we can safely assume we won’t be hurt or scorned on the basis of our love alone. I am grateful.

I can read books, visit museums, and listen to live music close to whenever I want. It is often free or very cheap. I am grateful.

I fall asleep next to my favorite person in the whole world with a galump of a dog at our feet. I wake up the same way. I am so grateful.

I can easily escape into natural wilderness. I am grateful.

I am often gifted presents to explore and enhance my sexuality, material and immaterial alike. I am grateful.

I feel safe from the threat of falling bombs and ongoing violence and turmoil of war and acute disaster. I am very grateful.

People across the country and the world are interested in my words, ideas, and art. I am grateful.

There are people in my life who lend their love and support to me as I continue to grow personally and professionally. I am grateful.

I have untold worlds and experiences to great in my life. I am grateful.

I am able to put time and effort into my health and fitness. I am grateful.

After 4 years of wearing a cheap pair of plastic Costco glasses with so many scratches I got vertigo, I got fancy vintage glasses. I am grateful.

Although I live somewhere with troubled leadership, racist police, poverty, and violence I am surrounded by incredible culture, immense diversity, and new methods of living that I cherish. I am grateful.

People that I cared about passed away this year but their love, lessons, and memory are with me. I am grateful.

Other people pushed boundaries and prejudices before I arrived on the scene that have contributed to the ways in which I am safer to be who I am. Their work came at the expense of blood, sweat, tears, and often life. I am grateful.

I enjoy products and material goods that come from the resources and labor of others. There are people who remind me to stop and think about the actual work that went into things that make my life easier than it would be otherwise and they make me feel uncomfortable to think about ugly truths. I am grateful.

I don’t really know why we get around and tell a fictional narrative about the relationship between Indigenous people and European immigrants and slaughter turkeys en masse. After rough patches with my family due to my lifestyle, I can sit at a table and share a meal and work towards practicing love. I am grateful.

There was a long drive between where I live and where I went for the holiday and I drove the distance in a car. For the convenience, the independence, and the knowledge to be critical of my use of this destructive tool, I am grateful.

For every emotion I’ve ever had, even the most painful ones I can remember, I am resolutely grateful for everything they have taught me and for the grounding reminders that I am a human being in the company of other human beings.

Thanksgiving is hella problematic, there’s no way to deny. Some say that counting your blessings keeps you passive. I disagree. It is in counting our blessings that we count our greatest tool and take inventory of our growth and our support. In honor of a day in which we (theoretically) take stock of some of our privileges and resources, these were some of mine. I guess the pledge

 

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Dawn Of The Dykes

It was 2007 and I was about to graduate from college with a B.A. in hand. I actually skipped the traditional cap and gown for a 50s inspired red and white polka dot dress and a pair of sunglasses but that would happen a few months down the line from one of the biggest collegiate staged queer shows in the country. The “Queer Fashion Show” had actually started out when some gay men decided to host a fashion show to show off their designs. Well, one thing led to another and soon the it became a blowout extravaganza with a cast exceeding 100 and an array of dance, film, song, spoken word, skits, and maybe one fashion entry a year. It was where you wanted to be if you were out in the redwoods of Santa Cruz.

I had been part of previous casts. I danced in a queer retelling of “The Taming Of The Shrew” rebranded as “The Taming Of The Gay” in which a homophobic king reigns over the land with “gaygents” who always entered and danced to Prodigy monitored the kingdom for gay activity, including that of the young prince. In a stunning turn of events, one of the “gaygents” was actually the superheo (and director and choreographer of the piece) SUPERGAY who leads a team of rainbow clad freedom operatives to take on the gaygents, free the prince, and then marry him in a double ceremony with his lesbian sister.

I was also in a piece titled “Drag King Divas” where a huge gender queer cast performed in ruffled tux shirts, oversized bowties, and superfag dance steps to Motown hits. For my time on the catwalk I went to FU Tattoo and got myself a corset piercing by Pat Blackstorm who was a great piercer and willing to work with my weird situation. Another project was about body image and I was in a cast split into those of nearly naked and covered in trashbags thrown out onto the catwalk and ripped out of the bags to be shamed for our obvious flaws and adorned with giant signs before we revolt and tear everything up in an act of self-love and teamwork. That piece was the subject of a parody the following year which was a source of needed humor.

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Mayhem Loves: Oakland Museum

Black Panther print on display at the Oakland Museum

I love the city of Oakland. Certainly not its leadership and definitely not the corporate entities and banks squatting on vacancies and keeping property value low to ease the growing pains of gentrification, and the violence that comes with poverty and oppression can certainly be scary. What I love are the people, the revolutionary spirit, the diversity, and the sheer amount of culture exuded on any given day or block in town regardless of the grit that surrounds it.

The Oakland Museum Of California has impressed me very much with its sleek and social justice oriented curation in all its exhibits from natural history to its rotating galleries. Although it is a small museum in comparison to San Francisco’s incredible offerings, the Oakland Museum has an edgy heart and one hell of an eye for design. In many ways, it’s the same reason why I’m a huge devotee of the Oakland Airport over the horror show of SFO. I go for small but packed full of a proper punch.

Huey P. Newton on trial for murder at the Alameda County Courthouse in Oakland across the street from the museum.

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Ode To My Dog

Folsom and Maggie in a tent

My dog is good at articulating her problems to me and they are easy to solve and this is a reason why we have a good relationship.

People have very complex problems with things like money and poverty and racism and classism and transphobia and erasure and homophobia, and misogyny and transmisogny, and foreclosure. If you think about it too long, well, sometimes you think dark thoughts about a love affair with Molly Tov. No, no, far better to be a paranoid pacifist like me. I’ve spent my times at the front lines of protests. I’ve had my eyes wide in horror at police beating hippie students in front of me. I went to work at a hospital where an appendectomy cost about $13 USD and was still unaffordable to a lot of people in Tanzania. I dream now of living somewhere out in the boonies, quite frankly. Perhaps a break from people. A camping trip.

When I’ve been an asshole and skipped out on giving my dog a proper walk for a few days, she will usually eat something of mine. I often like to assign symbolic meaning to something she has destroyed. What else can I do when it’s totally destroyed and I really need to just hit myself with a newspaper and take my dog on a nice 5 mile walk and stop being a self-obsessed idiot with my people problems and internet machine and get outside and clear my head with some good jazz and a breeze.

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On Birthdays

Naked Ho Strut Against Prop 35, Measure B, and in support of SWOPbay.org

My date of birth is 10-10. I’ve always been fond of it as a date, it feels balanced and I never had to deal with any awkwardness in day/month or month/day formats. I even got to have a quiet birthday at home with my beloved on 10-10-10 which was a great day for a birthday indeed.

Still, I wasn’t very cognizant of the happenings of my birth and things are a bit hazy so far as conscious memory goes. This makes me curious of other birthdays. I started blogging as Maggie Mayhem on October 11, 2008. That means my blog and my porn persona is about to turn 4. But, I started keeping a regular online journal in 2001 and I put essays and small websites up prior to that date. I’ve been sharing intimate pieces of myself online for more than a decade.

Putting up images of nudity and sex isn’t nearly as scary as being a teenage girl online. I wouldn’t say that privacy is dead, I would say that’s gone through substantial rebranding. We share narratives, snapshots, facts, impulses, and feelings but we all have private moments and private lives. Technology is outpacing its cultural adaptations and we are adapting to the tools we’ve made for better or for worse. If anything, we’ve proven that anonymous sex was always onto a great truth about humans: there is intimacy among strangers that is sometimes greater than those we share the regular circumstances of life.

I’ve learned how to process my emotions and experiences online. I don’t think it’s an either/or situation to have another tool for dealing with the complexities of life. I’m part of a small minority of humans who kind of learned how to be human with the aid of a computer. Still, I feel shy and “closeted” about things that never would have even been given so much as a courtesy thought about public disclosure and I realize that with some much light from the monitors the shadows can appear bigger than they are.

We’ve always had privacy settings but none among us ever was or will be “safe for work” because work of all forms has inherent dehumanizing characteristics. People like to make sex work accountable for the alienation of all workplaces. I find that strange in an era where not having a public presence of the mundane details of your life can cost you a job but sharing too much about your anxieties, challenges, vices, individual forms of mental healthiness, and sexuality can do the same.

Still, despite the odds and stigma, we share more and different birthdays with the world and we’re getting to know each better. We don’t know ourselves, let alone one another, but we’re starting.

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