Category Archives: opinion

April 29, 2013 · 6:46 pm

Pride and Shame

Bradley Manning pride contingent from a past parade.

Bradley Manning pride contingent from a past parade.

I don’t get out to the BIG San Francisco events these days. Where once my eyes looked up and watered over from hope and stray glitter, now they tend to look elsewhere for SF Pride and Folsom Street. There’s all the waste, the trash, the dominating force of Big Booze ™ shilling Absolut Vodka and Budweiser, and the huge crushing crowds, terrible food, and the heart palpitations all of this gives me. No, I don’t care to see a parade of massive corporations demonstrating how tolerant they are despite whatever implications their brand and profits might mean for people, animals, water, and the globe at large. No, I don’t care for the tons of plastic crap manufactured with pride.

Daniel Ellsberg

Daniel Ellsberg

Pride and Folsom have had brave sexual components because of the illegality of what they were displaying in public. It was a protest. I’m all for Bacchanalia, believe me. It’s also important to remember that it was about taking something that people were being arrested and brutalized over and putting out in public view. It was about challenging how and why people were being marginalized for what they were already doing in private. Blowing someone in public was the reminder that the sun didn’t turn to blood, the streets weren’t suddenly cracking open, and there was no legitimate reason why people were being pulled from their bars and bedrooms and subject to a criminal record and all the damages therein.

I heard about “Gay Shame” when I was in college and I didn’t disagree with them totally but I wanted to have my day in the sun, a party celebrating something that had isolated me as a kid and a teenager, and most of all a good goddamn time. I wanted to put down my politics, pick up a beer, and just let it all go. Those Gay Shamers seemed a little uptight and political to me. Sure, corporations had some pretty bad policies but having Bank of America come out to the parade meant that others would to, right? Mainstream acceptance meant safety. If those stodgy old banker dudes could see why an event like pride where they knew there’d be drag queens and naked guys in cock rings and little baby dykes stomping around in their first pair of big black boots and a miniskirt trying on subversive in public for the first time ever then surely “we” were winning, right? Right? There were too many politicians in convertible cars waving to the masses for us to be losers.

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April 18, 2013 · 2:01 pm

Of Sex And Drugs

Despite the porn, I’m terribly naive about why our society has conniption fits when it comes to talking about sex and drugs. Both are very taboo and subject to numerous pieces of legislation and come with deep currents of conscious and unconscious stigma.

Trying to develop a career as a “professional” in either field is a tenuous path. Semantics mark the difference between the suit and coat crowd and the plebeians or worse yet the crackpots. Those who aspire to join the suit and coat crowd can be spotted at their industry’s events with marked civility to the crackpots by their subtle but very nearly ritualistic social performances best described by Roland Barthes and an avian behavior graduate student sharing drinks at happy hour.

In the drug world, the people talking about sex are regarded as the way to ruin the legitimacy of things. The ones who don’t get “the bigger picture.” In the sex world, those who talk about drugs can also ruin the legitimacy of things. Legality is a major issue. Drugs could blow the whole house down.

When you already have to speak in sotte voce about a very fundamental reality, the introduction of another pretty much leaves you to the fragments and the faintest lines of symbols creating galaxies of the inferred. This is the blend of religion, and of disease. The orbit is farther out with a much more tenuous grasp on gravity. The stakes are closer to death and not because of something inherent to them so much as their relationship to codified law that has a very class distinct application on the masses. Having “made it” is so often defined by the cocaine of an appealing ass. It’s not the Benz, it’s the room for a buzz that never ends and never has consequences.

Class is marked by the consequences you face for your own humanity.

Sexuality has been my trade but I keep my personal cards kept more keenly to myself. I do think ones pleasure practices are as sacred (for whatever that word means) as ones spiritual practices. I don’t think I really get a say over how any given individual choose to guide their perception of the world by chemical, religious, technological, biological, material, or what-have-you-tools so long as there aren’t material world consequences on other non-consenting people. You can’t just steal some shit. You can’t just instantly use someone as a tool of your experience. The fact that we imprison people for getting high is, in effect, a thought crime.

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April 17, 2013 · 3:52 pm

The I-Lube-nati

The Illuminati

It’s gospel in the sex positive world: there’s no such thing as too much lube for anal sex.

Except for the fact that A) yes, actually, there is such a thing as too much lube and it results in very dangerous and slippery situations, especially if you’re wearing high heel shoes and trying to fuck someone bent over a sink in a bathroom somewhere in public and B) it’s easier to recite a slogan in place of evaluating what you want and this has its pros and cons and no single slogan can hold the entirety of experiences inside it.

From a public health standpoint it’s important to advocate for latex-safe lube and condoms as a means to reduce the risk of transmission of STI’s and it’s also important to remember that educators are on hand to provide the love buffet of options without creating a singular narrative for how sex should be enjoyed. There is no one-lube-fits-all and some people might actually be better learning how to evaluate what kinds of lubricants will fit their needs best rather than providing advertisement for Lube™.

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Maybe it’s just a side effect of providing sex education since 2003 but foregoing lube for buttsex is one of my favorite modes of intercourse right now. The first time it was powerful and anxiety inducing. Had I finally broken some kind of slut wall? Was I now, after years of teaching and practicing this playful discipline experienced some new form of anal enlightenment? Was I at some new level of insatiability, forever destined to need more? What kind of a filthy, fucked up whore wants to get fucked in the ass without lube? How many cocks did it take to make me like that? How far had I chased the pleasure dragon to overcome what felt like canonical law?

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April 9, 2013 · 2:25 pm

Musings On Mold

I can’t remember the PIN number to my handy-dandy, hippie-dippie credit union bank card. I’ve had it for sometime and I’ve never experienced a problem like this before in my life. All of the other uncharacteristic “brain farts” or missing pieces I could vaguely explain away to myself as cannabis or the one-size-fits all favorite, “getting older.”

There are things you know you forget. There are things you know are the most vulnerable to being forgotten during stressful times. Then there are things you just don’t forget.

My PIN number is one of things I just don’t forget and when I stood at the register of the grocery store trying to pick up just a few items for my anti-mold diet staring at my dumb fingers at the keypad with neither the muscle memory to type it out nor the ability to recall the sequence I knew that it was going to be a long recovery process.

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February 12, 2013 · 1:37 pm

Tales Of Kink.Com

So I rage tweet, sometimes. I’ve been doing a lot of that over the recent scandal of Peter Acworth being arrested for drug possession charges.

But what’s interesting to me is how quickly people will act as though my tweets all pose a mortal threat to Cybernet Entertainment, also known as Kink.Com which is located at the San Francisco Armory. What a long strange relationship it’s been.

A long time ago before Mayhem was even thought of and I was a college freshmen chomping at the bit to indulge my long internet researched proclivities for getting creative with the integrated imagination of the sexual landscape, I went to a party at Kink.Com and didn’t even know it. I had purple hair and I was modeling someone’s leather creations with fairy wings, purple hair, and my trademark thick rimmed glasses. I was a teenager, I wasn’t yet 21. I was wide eyed and bushy tailed and as I wandered through the space I realized that it was…familiar. And my, there were drains everywhere…I realized in a flash that left me flushed that I was at The Porn Palace of Kink.Com. It wasn’t the armory then and although it was a profitable company is wasn’t the pledging to join a more mainstream entertainment sorority.

I never thought I could be a model, then. I had whiplash from the world I emerged from and the number one thought that ran through my head at all times “remain cool, calm, and collected.” I didn’t want to appear as anything but a natural addition to “Love’s Elysium.” I’m glad I welcomed the latex zebras who would kick and nip, the zipped up gimps, the strange men who crawled out from the shadows begging me to fuck their ass, the strange devices and contraptions like Fuck Saws, the grand theater of courtship rituals, the sense that I had crossed over to some other realm and I sat back with quiet humility that I didn’t know the rules of the sexual underworld and that I should watch often and I did for years.

Most people don’t walk into porn in their mid twenties and there’s a story I’ve been meaning to tell you all, one that I’ve been uncovering for myself as my relationship to porn evolves, about why I did. I look back now and say that I committed social suicide at age 24 when I walked into the Armory to exchange a short nude, bondage, orgasm, and masturbation video for a few hundred bucks and a lifetime of stigma. About a year ago, this author and co-writer&director of “About Cherry” (a film loosely based on and filmed at Kink.Com) emailed me to ask about the first time I did porn. I never answered him. It was more complicated and personal that he asked me.

Let me paint my mindset. Adventures in Africa6560_maggiemayhem002

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November 29, 2012 · 1:41 pm

A Tower Of Babel

Mt, Wilson observatory, iPhone photo from the trail. 14 miles up and down, 4,700 ft elevation gain.

Politics is the art of articulating control and some voices have more profound global impact. Our modern age has given us dogma in legal language codified as legislation that was born of cowardice, forged in privilege, and wielded against the marginalized.

The “Tower Of Babel” is a great Judeo-Christian story of incredible relevance here. This was the story that made me doubt the existence of god but also awoke a kind of panic about authority within me. The Book of Genesis, in general, turned me off from the idea of God because it reminded me too much of Stargate. As a text the Judeo-Christian Bible does pick up quite a bit with all kinds of great philosophy and tremendous insight. But as a child I could not get behind the fascist god of genesis. The story of the “Tower of Babel” presented us with a humanity that came to gather after god’s genocide with the flood. Now, ostensibly, you might think this was the lesson of the flood–to learn how to love one another again, to work beside one another, to share a common language.

I have always interpreted this to mean sharing the language of love. This sounds hippie-dippie but stay with me: think of the time a stranger went out of their way to help you out with something simple. Maybe you were a little lost and in need of directions, maybe it was a quick freebie snack, maybe it was someone who didn’t make you feel like shit when you had to mention a boundary about personal space and genuinely accommodated the situation with humor. That was a time when you shared the language of love with someone and it does let you peek into a view of what those from “Shinar” experienced.

When people are taking the time to be present one another as individuals with a different contexts that require calibration for full communication they tend to get a lot of shit done. This is why you may have been subjected to work retreats even though that’s an industry in and of itself that has forgotten the purpose of the exercise. Another quick glance into the extent of empathy would be those rare and precious moments when you feel uncertain where your body stops and your lover’s begins.

The people worked together to build a tower to God because they shared a language, a purpose, and a plan to accomplish it and they were getting shit done. “A tower to god” is a symbol from my understanding. Perhaps, though, it was a tower. I look to our space programs and global space stations, I see the beginnings of a Tower of Babel. When you get to such heights you stop splitting so many hairs about the differences between individual humans because you’re united as earthlings exploring the cosmos. That’s the dream we seem to come back to across the ages, at least.

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November 22, 2012 · 12:16 pm

Gratitude

I can turn the information and knowledge I have/have access to into action. I can make the choice to eat fresh whole foods and drink fresh and clean water. I am grateful.

I can hold my lover and my life partner in public and we can safely assume we won’t be hurt or scorned on the basis of our love alone. I am grateful.

I can read books, visit museums, and listen to live music close to whenever I want. It is often free or very cheap. I am grateful.

I fall asleep next to my favorite person in the whole world with a galump of a dog at our feet. I wake up the same way. I am so grateful.

I can easily escape into natural wilderness. I am grateful.

I am often gifted presents to explore and enhance my sexuality, material and immaterial alike. I am grateful.

I feel safe from the threat of falling bombs and ongoing violence and turmoil of war and acute disaster. I am very grateful.

People across the country and the world are interested in my words, ideas, and art. I am grateful.

There are people in my life who lend their love and support to me as I continue to grow personally and professionally. I am grateful.

I have untold worlds and experiences to great in my life. I am grateful.

I am able to put time and effort into my health and fitness. I am grateful.

After 4 years of wearing a cheap pair of plastic Costco glasses with so many scratches I got vertigo, I got fancy vintage glasses. I am grateful.

Although I live somewhere with troubled leadership, racist police, poverty, and violence I am surrounded by incredible culture, immense diversity, and new methods of living that I cherish. I am grateful.

People that I cared about passed away this year but their love, lessons, and memory are with me. I am grateful.

Other people pushed boundaries and prejudices before I arrived on the scene that have contributed to the ways in which I am safer to be who I am. Their work came at the expense of blood, sweat, tears, and often life. I am grateful.

I enjoy products and material goods that come from the resources and labor of others. There are people who remind me to stop and think about the actual work that went into things that make my life easier than it would be otherwise and they make me feel uncomfortable to think about ugly truths. I am grateful.

I don’t really know why we get around and tell a fictional narrative about the relationship between Indigenous people and European immigrants and slaughter turkeys en masse. After rough patches with my family due to my lifestyle, I can sit at a table and share a meal and work towards practicing love. I am grateful.

There was a long drive between where I live and where I went for the holiday and I drove the distance in a car. For the convenience, the independence, and the knowledge to be critical of my use of this destructive tool, I am grateful.

For every emotion I’ve ever had, even the most painful ones I can remember, I am resolutely grateful for everything they have taught me and for the grounding reminders that I am a human being in the company of other human beings.

Thanksgiving is hella problematic, there’s no way to deny. Some say that counting your blessings keeps you passive. I disagree. It is in counting our blessings that we count our greatest tool and take inventory of our growth and our support. In honor of a day in which we (theoretically) take stock of some of our privileges and resources, these were some of mine. I guess the pledge

 

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November 15, 2012 · 5:04 pm

Happy Hippie Beauty Secrets

A very happy hippie.

The beauty industry is a lot of bullshit and you should check up on who you’re letting fuck your pores.

I’m a big fan of science and there’s lot of science innovations that are totally awesome for health and happiness and I don’t want to dismiss anything outright but one thing that’s important to remember about the word “industry” is that it usually means that money flows up to the top of a hierarchy that is usually a lot of rich white dudes whose motivations are to make more money, not to help you on your path to happiness. What they shill might be helpful or beneficial but when push comes to shove, the dollar they can make means more than you.

People in sex world know that phthalates are really bad for your health. We’ve smelled out gassing jelly toys and some of us may have felt the hot burning poker effect of a cheap shitty toy that apparently just expired by becoming an agent of chemical toxicity rather than an instrument of pleasure.

Well, phthalates are also in a lot of cosmetics. This is because phthalates  esters of phthalic acid that create a “plasticized” effect. They make the jelly toys bendy and soft, they make your foundation smooth. They allow for flexibility or transparency. Phthalates are actually in TONS of our products and in many ways I’m really glad that the sex toy activists started raising alarms about them in toys before the sex toy industry really grew to a monolith like the cosmetics industry. Sex toys were considered novelties with  really limited runs and few retail outlets because they were pretty much illegal (and are still treated as tenuously legal in a handful of American states). When I think of tangible things achieved by sex positivity, it was really strong messaging about phthalates that I would say has been much more successful than similar campaigns in other industries.

You would still be considered a “hippie” if you started asking for phthalate free cosmetics but you would be considered an uninformed consumer if this wasn’t on your mind while strap-on dildo shopping and you would run into a chorus of voices to pass on the good word.

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June 29, 2012 · 1:17 pm

Who’s Your Earth Mama: Humble Requests For My Future Eco Conscious Sex Apprentice

1. Gracefully accept bondage in Tibetan Prayer Flags.
2. Well read on sustainable rattan for caning.
3. Enjoys art, literature, music, and theory from non-canonical sources.
4. Always has fair trade, single origin coffee freshly ground and nearly prepared with almond milk and honey before my waking.
5. Can prepare at least 5 tasty vegan dishes at a moment’s notice.
6. Understand the point and purpose of a proper tea ritual and can execute one well.
7. Puts time and effort into self-awareness skills.
8. Worships my Birkenstocks.
9. Carries the Camelback on hikes.
10. Can pitch a tent on command and help set up overnight camping accommodations.

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June 21, 2012 · 3:44 am

Kill Your TV (With An Extra Side Of Fuck You To HBO)

First and foremost, fuck you HBO. Fuck you and welcome to 2012 where we really don’t fucking want your goddamn cable subscription, what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you afraid of the internet? The internet, HBO. Come the fuck on and give us the chance to stop pirating your shows.

Also: I’ll never forgive you for what you did to Carnivale.

It’s hard to avoid sounding like a pretentious fuck when you say you don’t have a TV but I really haven’t had a TV for nearly a decade. When I was college bound, I found out the dorms had a T1 internet connection which was roughly the speed of God to me in 2003 and I decided that my TV was dead weight. At the very least, it was an excuse to go bother someone to watch a show.

But then my life just totally disconnected from TV schedules and the whole idea of a “Prime Time” sounds like a world that exists only in Florida and The Bermuda Triangle. Who on earth would watch television at a time other than 2AM? Who are you savages that can’t wait until 2 in the morning to watch something interesting? The big behavioral difference between a television and viewing television programs digitally is that a television just plays and directs the entertainment where as my internet connection required that I watch media with some form of intentionality. Google is literal when you turn to it for “background noise.”

Even when it is used for background noise, it’s designed to be consumed next to interactive software. You Tube solicits comments and so everyone does creating a phenomenon unique to our time. The television commands a kind of passivity. It dictates the schedule, it’s mostly fluff, it’s totally unreliable, and it’s really hard to fact check in the moment. Every form of immediate interaction with television has been popular. People probably called into telethons because they wanted to be on TV. Entertainment voting has been another popular form of interaction.

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