Shocking Teen Orgies Ignite Widespread Mania!

I hate when there’s a sex panic about teenagers. Here’s one: ZOMG! THERE ARE SOME TEENS WHO HAVE HAD MULTI-PERSON SEX! 

This study was shocked, shocked! to discover that 7.3% of girls aged 14-20 have had MPS- multi person sex. It’s a study that also utterly fails to forget that there are very few places where teens can go and they tend to travel in groups. Teens don’t have the luxury of saying, “Your place or mine?” to one another when the feeling is right.

That’s not to say that this doesn’t come with problems. You know how it’s illegal to drink alcohol until you’re 21 in the US and yet most college students enter at age 18? You know how that started to create a little problem known as 19 year olds drinking to their deaths during hazing rituals? So, we suspend teens who send sexy or lewd text messages even outside of school hours. We withhold information about sex. We also strongly limit where teens can get together and blow off some steam.

Teenagers don’t have studio apartments. Maybe they have cars, all ages punk rock venues, hamburger stands, coffee shops, dances, parking lots, playgrounds, and their one friend who has parents vacationing in Europe. It’s not like teenagers invented the rule that you had to be 18 or sometimes even 21 to rent a hotel room.

We’re terrified of teens fucking. We’re terrified of teenagers in packs. In 2011 we’re terrified of teenagers fucking in packs. Who knows what next year will bring.

Multi person sex…sounds like the quintessential 1950s “lover’s lane” if you ask me. Maybe if I want to be a famous sociologist I can popularize the phrase, “episodes of vehicular exhibitionist indecency.” These spots were out of the way places where teens wouldn’t bother or be bothered by any meddlers while they engaged in their various mating rituals. Whether or not the researchers went to prom, I can only imagine that they’ve heard of this popular teen tradition of simulating the act of heterosexual marriage including consummation.

Isn’t there a scene in the original “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers” in which the alien invasion zapping the American-ness out of the city residents is evidenced by an entirely empty “lover’s lane?” The fact that there weren’t a bunch of cars full of young romantic couples in love out by the lake necking was a sign that shit was getting all kinds of fucked up.

Multi-person sex among teens is also known as, “DUDE! Steve’s parents are out of town and he has a heated swimming pool in his backyard! Party Friday night!” Are there hazards to this? Quite a few, most of which could be addressed by being realistic about the fact that teenagers are exploring themselves and adulthood. When we illegalize adolescence, we kill our youth. That’s what the statistics are showing us. Teens are doing something new. It’s the same old thing, the same old panic, and increased surveillance and criminal penalties.

The only way to survive being a teenager without getting yourself a record is to be rich or a child suddenly thrown into adulthood at 18 or 21 without any of the experience to handle what’s happening. It’s just frustrating to see muckraking masquerading as social science.

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Filed under activism, sexuality, slut shaming

EVENTS! Bawdy Storytelling & Threshold at Mission Control

I am a last minute addition to the Bawdy Storytelling event happening TONIGHT, Thursday December 15 at the Uptown in Oakland, CA. The theme is WINNING! and the story lineup looks fantastic.

Thursday, December 15th (Special Holiday date)
Doors at 7, Stories at 8
$10 at the door

The Uptown NightClub
1928 Telegraph Avenue
Oakland, CA

Stories by:

Sarah Dopp is obsessed with the Internet, microphones, the overlapping edges of gender, and the kinds of adventures that make for a really good story. She accidentally lived in China, she drives to the Grand Canyon on a whim, and she recently learned how to make ice cream. Sarah likes to build communities, and she’s created thriving ones around genderqueerness, writing, and performance — both on the Internet and right here in San Francisco. She’s been published in Coming and Crying and Gender Outlaws: TNG, and has a history of co-hosting of San Francisco’s Queer Open Mic. But lately, she’s just been kinda normal.

Jonathan Moore-Northrop spent his first thirty years telling blue stories in a red state. In 2008, he relocated from Phoenix to San Francisco in search of like-minded leftist homosexual perverts. In collaboration with artist Chris Kelsey, Jonathan is the creator of the webcomic BDSMBadAdvice.com, which is relaunching in January.

If Kitty Stryker was a My Little Pony, her cutie mark would be a pen crossed with a sword. She is a sex worker who writes about filth and politics for Good Vibrations, Filament, and Artwank, among other publications. In her copious free time, she’s head of the queer Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society, founder of Kinky Salon London, and a devotee of enforced feminism. Kitty blogs about her professional and personal experiences at Purrversatility.blogspot.com.

Mandy Hixson is a San Francisco native who started attending Burning Man at 17. Most recently she has been traveling around the world and occasionally performing – burlesque in Istanbul, fire dancing in Bangalore and and inadvertently a sex show in New York. She is now very happy to be back at home in the city of queers and pervs.

Blythe Baldwin is a writer, poet, & visual artist. As an outspoken & unapologetic queer she spreads a sex positive outlook through the arts. She has featured at The San Francisco Queer Open Mic & performs regularly in the Bay Area. She spends her nights writing & drawing comics.

Maggie Mayhem is a writer, performer, and sex hacker who lives an underground Oakland lair that is a hub of sex positive technology, art, and activism she shares with her partner Ned Mayhem. You can find Maggie at her home on the web, MissMaggieMayhem.Com or on Twitter.

**********

Come out to my fabulous play party at Mission Control in San Francisco FRIDAY, Dec 16th from 9PM-3AM. We have tons of fungeon play space, a hot theme about uniforms and anti-uniforms, sexy decor to get you in the mood, great people to meet, and some sizzling entertainment. Come out and rock your socks and enjoy comedy by MORGAN at 9PM and the band BOBBY JOE EBOLA at midnight.

I can’t wait to see EVERYONE there! If shiny boots get you salivating and you think that uniforms were made to be fucked in, make it a point to come out to THRESHOLD.

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Vampira! Or, What Happens To Models When They Die?

Eternal Beauty, Maila Nurmi

I must have been 10 years old when I saw her. Taller than a man, made out of glossy cardboard, promoting budweiser beer in all black with her massive pale chest popping out from the top of her dress. She was Elvira and I loved her instantly. I was actually upset that her image had been raffled off at the pool hall rather than going home with me where I was convinced she belonged.

I don’t even know what it was about the image of Elvira, even shilling shitty beer, that just hit me right at the core. She was the one big-busted beer model that my mother actually approved of always explaining to me that “Elvira was in on the joke.” There was a joke? I took this as one of those things I would understand better when I was older. I don’t think it really is out of place that I grew up to be the person I am today when I look back and trace my major influences and realize that I was drawn to so much of this from a very early age without any clear guide of what it meant or why I wanted it.

I never related to the more mainstream contemporary “beauties.” They always seemed to have something that I knew I would never possess. I had no idea what that was–maybe bubbliness, given my preference for the macabre and strange. The beer ads almost always had cheerleaders wearing sparkling outfits with tassels, tan midriffs, and an “all American” wholesome (if you will) sex appeal. We often associate women with life because of their ability to give birth but the gothic beauty embodying sex and death goes back to ancient mythology of goddesses like Kali or Ishtar.

Elvira was a badass bitch and I loved her. She was pale, she looked and talked like someone who didn’t give a fuck who won the game, and she had a sharp wit that was entirely unafraid of what anyone might have to say about her opinion or take on the situation. Cassandra Peterson was a force of nature as Elvira. Her clevage and personality busted the seams and she hosted one hell of a show. For awhile, she was my penultimate sexy lady. I loved her dry wit and successful command of irony when the so-called intellectuals, writers, and speakers were all fucking it up. Before long I understood what my mother meant about her being “in on the joke” and I respected her construction of the character in all of its tongue-in-cheek glory. Peterson may be remembered for the kitsch and tits but I think she has been a very underrated comedian. Her sense of timing and the bravado of her character are fantastic and I still love the Elvira persona to this day.

Elvira was deliberately campy and in times when I become self-aware of the show business aspects of my work I like to channel her to remind me to have a sense of humor about each and everything I do. The Elvira in me comes out because if she doesn’t, the cranky tired performer in me who can’t deal with another take or another set of uncomfortable bondage photos when I’ve been doing it sincerely for hours starts to get mean.

That said, I am also an ardent lover of the original “mistress of the dark.” Some say that Elvira was just a Vampira rip off. Well, that’s hard to say when the macabre pin up has been a staple for centuries. Every time we define what’s sexy in our cultures, someone will always apply that notion to death and the unknown. Elvira did have a nightshade wardrobe, oozing sex appeal, spooky antics, and a catalog of bad films to introduce but the way she crafted her persona is strikingly different from what the woman behind Vampira, Maila Nurmis, had in mind for her own creation.

Always a showgirl, Maila Nurmi danced with Lili St. Cyr and used to work for Mae West until she was fired for upstaging her. At the peak of her career in the 50s she was an A list celebrity who partied with Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, Marlon Brando, and Orson Welles. Before Morticia Adams was every seen on television in the 1960s she was a cartoon in the The New Yorker back in the 1930s. “Vampira” was born when Maila Nurmi won a costume contest in 1953 by taking an old (and eventually banned) cartoon and bringing it to life for the night. She was spotted by a television producer and her first husband (Dean Riesner, author of the screenplay for Dirty Harry) helped name her creation. In 1954, “The Vampira Show” debuted and the first in a continuing lineage of “late night horror hosts” was born.

Elvira is a gag but Vampira was pure drag. Watching those clips of a 1950s Vampira leaning back on a chaise lounge with a cocktail one can’t help but think of it as Tennessee Williams from beyond the grave.

Long before Vampira, Nurmi performed in another staged spook show in another guise entirely and she was spotted by director Howard Hawks. Hawks is one of my favorite directors. Whether it was comedy romance, noir, or sci fi, Hawks could make a movie that was a lot of fun to watch. He had plans to turn Nurmi into the next Lauren Bacall and cast her in one of his movies. Sadly, the film was delayed so many times that Nurmi gave up on waiting and began modeling for men’s magazines as a cheesecake pinup.

“The Vampira Show” was indeed a massive hit. Nurmi received an Emmy nomination in 1954 for “Most Outstanding Female Personality,” which is notable for a freshmen television performance. Despite the show’s incredible success, it was cancelled in 1955. The studio attempted to buy the rights to “Vampira” and Nurmi refused. It is said that she was effectively blacklisted from studios for her obstinate refusal. She was only paid $75 a week for her work on the supremely successful show. Sadly, we have no tapes of her work because the shows were recorded live. A new digital archiving tactic has created an opportunity to recover some lost footage but most is gone forever. I mourn for the lost record of her work as an actress, especially since it was all recorded from her live performances.

One of her companions I failed to mention was James Dean, whose famous quote about her appears in many places, “I have a fairly adequate knowledge of satanic forces, and I was interested to find out if this girl was obsessed with such a force.” The friendship between Dean and Nurmi has been disputed by some biographers but bits of evidence are emerging from the sands of time that substantiate claims that they were quite close indeed. Some quick clips from home movies show James Dean playing around with Nurmi. Dean allegedly told friends not to call him when her program was on and in an unrelated quote he once mentioned a particular interest in the writings of the Marquis De Sade.

Although we may never see it, many remember a cameo that Dean made on “The Vampira Show” in which he appeared as a school boy and she rapped his knuckles with a ruler while calling him, “A naughty boy.” I hope that I am not alone in a sudden sense of personal satisfaction for having stumbled onto that piece of gossip because I’ve always prided myself in having finely tuned “kink-dar” to help me identify the subtle and intangible identifiers of salacious bedroom antics.

Nurmi still has the record in the Guinness Book for her tiny wasp-like waist. Officially measured at 17″ it has also been recorded at even smaller sizes. Nurmi was very fascinated by body modification and did attain that waist of hers through dedicated tight lacing and corsetry. Although her necklines are low cut and she did attempt to enhance her bosom with a self-made wonderbra, television codes and the slimming properties of black clothing made her breasts less visible. With the outrageous makeup and trailblazing use of spooky accessories, she does remind me of a drag queen.

In a retrospective interview, Nurmi credits the evil queen from Snow White, Greta Garbo, and “Norma Desmond” from Sunset Boulevard along with Charles Addams’ 1930s sketches as being the biggest influences on her work. Vampira is like the ghost of the silver screen silent film heroine in black and white. She smoked with a long and elegant cigarette holder and would take a smoking cocktail in her hand and say, “I need a cocktail. I need a vampire cocktail to settle my nerves. It will not only settle them, it will also petrify them.”

Nurmi talks about how she deliberately mixed the traditional cheesecake moves with the “bondage and discipline” aspect from her old modeling days (and probably personal life as it just may have been). Before her, no woman had been really putting this much time and effort creating a mainstream character that was anything like this at all. The sex was deliberately included and invited but Nurmi also maintained perpetual showmanship from the way she would move her entire body through the space and hold her posture along with the posing of her body. It was an act she invested herself in 100%.

People rarely, if ever, credit a “low brow” female model or performer doing genre work as artists or performers who contributed a great deal of creative and intellectual effort into their characters. Genre artists, especially female genre artists, have frequently been shafted over the rights and ownership to their work. We don’t have any certainty over whether or not Nurmi got fucked out of her show contract for asserting her own intellectual ownership over the character of Vampira or whether the studio fired her because they were worried that her screen antics were going too far, but much like her relationship with James Dean we have an increasing pool of evidence that suggests that there is an abundance of truth to her claims.

It’s strange how the drama of intellectual ownership plays out and just how often custody of an idea is given to the individual who financially backed an idea rather than the person or persons who actually brought it into the world.It’s very strange business, indeed.

Vampira exists in relative obscurity despite the massive impact on the culture she left behind when she passed away in her sleep at the age of 86 in 2008. She wasn’t afraid to work and she wasn’t ever ashamed of the work she did from nude modeling to installing linoleum for a living in the 60s when there was no one out there who wanted her or Vampira. When asked about her seeming fall from grace, she said that if installing linoleum dried up for her there would always be carpentry.

She appeared in a number of low budget films over the years and ultimately opened a Melrose boutique where she sold clothing and jewelry she made. It is said that her entirely mute cameo in Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space came as a result of her opinion that the script was so bad it was entirely unutterable. She refused to say any of her lines. Never a wealthy woman, she died in a small apartment she called home in North Hollywood and is fondly remembered by close friends, fans, and colleagues for her wealth of interests, constant creative energy, love for animals, sense of humor, storytelling skills, and profound love of life.

Where do models go when they die? People have to ask this question because unlike other artists who are allowed to continue working in their medium, many women are cast off to the side when their youth ends. They don’t get the same amount of work and often drift into obscurity. Marlene Dietrich, the Weimar Berlin cabaret dancer turned megastar (and major Mayhem influencer) said, “I vant to be alone!” in her husky German accent and lived as a social recluse. So many models do. Bettie Page refused to be photographed after she retired, convinced that it would be better for people to remember her for her “beauty.” It’s hard to imagine it went away.

I’m positively grateful for the fact that Maila Nurmi never went away willingly. She always there, prepared to share a story or offer up an “epitaph” to a fan (Vampira didn’t do autographs, she did epitaphs), and always ready for her closeup no matter how many wrinkles were there on her face. She kept wearing outrageous outfits and jewelry with an eye for creating fashion that never died or seemed unstylish. As much as I love Vampira I have to say that I admire and respect Maili Nurmi so much more. I can only hope that I have her work ethic throughout my life and a lack of shame for being a survivor.

So much as Nurmi did deserve far more credit and fame than she ever got I can only hope and dream that someday I have strange and wonderful friends who come to see me and visit a little boutique of my own somewhere that I find magical. I could only hope to be so lucky because I don’t think I have a fraction of the stage presence that she possessed. She knew her craft well and it’s still disappointing how little the world knows about her or recognizes the work and fortitude it took to build what she did.

Vampira was also “in on the joke” in many ways but she was also a consummate artist who knew how to bring in a little of this and a little of that to entertain a range of audiences all tuning in for slightly different reasons. She can be enjoyed for sexual and non-sexual reasons just as she can be admired for the raw skill and awareness she brought to performance.

Where do models go when they die? You get the constant message that you aren’t welcome on camera shortly after your 30th birthday. I’ve watched some of my modeling peers have genuine breakdowns around their 30th birthday and so many people recite, as if it were a fact of nature, that your career is over at that point. Not everyone wants to model forever and there are chosen retirements to get out of the limelight and the fast paced and insecure nature of entertainment work and there are some retirements that aren’t as welcomed by those who get up on camera.

It’s strange how our perceptions of others and our perceptions of ourselves change with time. We have ideas about what is appropriate to wear or do for certain genders across the timeline of a human life that aren’t about what someone wants to do for themselves. It all gets tangled up and it’s hard to say if anyone at all knows whether or not someone has dedicated their lives to speaking their own truth or to gain the love and acceptance of those around them by modifying that truth. To be fair, none among us is entirely on one side or the other. We all have our different faces and masks and we all have different sides of us that come out under different circumstances.

We are social creatures and being isolated from company and acceptance by other humans does have the ability to fuck with our heads. What does it mean to be yourself, sell yourself, or to sell yourself out? What are the differences between these ideas and how to they change the way we construct ourselves for the public with the way we are when no one is watching? 

Looking at the stories of the people and ideas that went into my own “Recipe for Mayhem” I look for explanations, advice, and predictions. I make erotic art but I’m much more a loner in personality. The fame game intimidates me just as much now as it did when I was in junior high. I don’t have my finger on the American cultural pulse enough to know what to do in order to be successful or “make it.” I love to create and I want to spend my life creating. It’s what makes me happy. I don’t know what I’ll make in the future but I hope that I never stop because I felt as though I contributed everything I had to give so early in my life.

I wonder whether or not I’ll be shown the door in a few years when my body enters its 3rd decade on the planet and more importantly I wonder if I’ll listen. Should I want to quit, I certainly hope I do. No sense in hanging around in a situation that isn’t meeting your needs if you can avoid it. I wonder how many more wounds my career will take by expressing my rights as a creator and performer when I work with studios who have budgets and crafty lawyers. I wonder if I’ll still have fresh ideas and an urge to share them with anyone other than my close and personal friends. Strange thing is, I don’t spend much time thinking about how my body will change.

This is supposed to be what I worry about. When I turned 27, my birthday emails triggered an onslaught of Google ads for weight loss, skin cremes, and Acai diets. People made a million jokes about getting closer to 30. I don’t know. From my own point of view, I think I will be exceptionally lucky indeed if I grow into a face that has, literally, thousands of wrinkles. I hope that I do someday look back on a face full of wrinkles and white hair without having to bleach. I hope that this face still smiles, creates, and takes the occasional dirty picture even if the body doesn’t do that as a primary means of income anymore. I hope I still love doing something just for the hell of it and I wish that I will have the ability to do it well.

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Bike Messengers And Vice

Photograph by Lewis Hine

 ”Preston De Costa, fifteen year old messenger #3 for Bellevue Messenger Service. I ran across him and took photos while he was carrying notes back and forth between a prostitute in jail and a pimp in the Red Light district. He had read all the notes and knew all about the correspondence. He was a fine grained adolescent boy. Has been delivering message and drugs in the Red Light for six months and knows the ropes thoroughly. “A lot of these girls are my regular customers. I carry ‘em messages and get ‘em drinks, drugs, etc. Also go to the bank with money for them. If a fellow treats ‘em right, they’ll call him by number and give him all their work. I got a box full of photos I took of these girls – some of ‘em I took in their room.” Works until 11:00 P.M.” -Hine

Location: San Antonio, Texas. Date Created/Published: 1913 October. LOC original medium: 1 photographic print. 

Between 1908 and 1924 an investigative reporter and photographer named Lewis Hine documented the lives and conditions of children in the labor force and put his life’s work into creating reform. Today we have child labor laws to protect the most vulnerable among us in the United States because of the horror that these photographs instilled in Americans. Today, we send our labor abroad where we don’t have to contend with the daily evidence of labor exploitation.

There’s a lot to be said about this whole topic. While looking through these photographs, I did get to find out a lot about the early history of bike messengers. Today, the bicycle is a hip way to get around the Bay Area and messenger chic is all the rage. That isn’t to say that it’s entirely safe to get around San Francisco on a bike but the culture and industry thrives even now for quick local transport. Bikes still have the ability to get around town quicker than a car because of the traffic and parking problems and they’re still quite often the cheapest option in town.

What I didn’t know is just how engrained bike messengers were to the daily functioning of red light districts. Packages were sent to and from brothels, drugs were delivered across town with bike messengers who did not operate as government officials. The teenage bike messengers existed in between an image of the innocent youth (and with the overall conditions of child labor in factories and mines, which adolescent could be “innocent” in the ideal way we would like to think?) and the vice trade. Messengers c0uld be counted on to lead men to the hidden brothels and speakeasies.

Hines made it a point to ask his photographic subjects about their exposure to the “red light” district as he took their portraits. In fact, running errands for the red light and vice districts wound up being regarded as a more dire ill to children then many of the other hazards from factory or mine work. It was easier for the public to support shutting down a red light district by taking out the support staff that helped it function than to support children by taking them out of the mines and factories where they were killed and maimed regularly because that labor supported the country as a whole.

Looking through the archive, the youth seemed to have little negative to say about their clients in the vice district aside from the novelty of reading the scandalous notes passed between sex workers and their clients or pimps. Although it may be alarming to read about their transfer of drugs, formal drug prohibition was a hazy thing in this country. Plenty of good drugs we can only dream about were totally legal and well in the public circulation when these photos were snapped despite the fact that people knew the common recreational uses of everything.

It’s kind of a reminder that drug and sex trade prohibition is not a static issue in the country and that sometimes even vice is powered by bikes.

 

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How Not To Be A Douche In The Dungeon

I wrote this almost a year ago and posted it on Fetlife. Given that Fetlife is a closed system, I am reposting it here with in a slightly updated form. Feel free to syndicate by crediting with a link back to my website. 

Does everyone at the party always seem angry at you?

Have you been kicked out of events for inappropriate behavior?

Are you confused about what to do?

Here, now, in condensed form are some tips to help you make friends in the dungeon. This list is not a complete index, but rather a set of helpful hints to help squeeeegee your third-eye and open your mind.

  • Scene negotiations are like boxing negotiations. In the absence of express active consent, the actions involved in both activities are considered assault. Just because someone is a known boxer does not mean you can walk up and punch them.

    Much like the boxer, the person that you just randomly groped might punch you and for the same reasons.

  • The way to ask for consent to touch someone is to say, “Is it OK for me to hug you/touch you/pat your head/rub your belly/waka waka?” Then, wait patiently for a response. If the individual affirms in the positive, you may proceed. Waka waka, oh yes. However, it is important to note than a non-response is not a positive response. No waka waka. You must receive a positive affirmation before waka waka.
  • No one is issued a constitutional right to obtain a list of detailed reasons regarding a rejection. There are infinitely more reasons not to play than there are to play in any given moment. The reason most people cited when asked why they began a scene with a consenting partner was, “it was hot and we wanted to do it.”

    Reasons cited for not playing had much more diversity and ranged from responses like, “I’m not into leapfrog tea-bagging,” to, “I’m having an allergic reaction to shellfish!” If someone turns you down, you’re going to be okay and you don’t be a jerk about it. Your astrological signs didn’t match or maybe you had an unlucky color for a toy bag. Some people just aren’t “into” other people on certain days of the week. You never really know what’s going on with someone. Being an asshole about a rejection will only reduce your chances the next time you ask.

    It is also important to note that if you’re rude and hostile to someone who politely declined your offer, those witnessing the incident are likely to take it into consideration should you ever approach them. You never know when someone cute in the crowd has a particular fetish for people who treat others with respect.

  • If you are at a play party and you have some concerns as to whether or not you will be able to keep your hands off of people without their consent, you should talk to the DM or the party host and they will gladly offer you assistance. Remember, communicating with the DM keeps the party safe for everyone!
  • Compliments are super nice and we all appreciate them. They do not act, however, as “touching gift vouchers.” It’s great to love latex/leather/denim/furry suits/uniforms/cotton/chain mail/rope/plastic wrap/mayonaise/wax/naked/ dinosaur bones/The Hunt For Red October/accents/whatever the thing it is you love. Just because you love it, doesn’t mean you can stroke it.
  • Yes, that is a very nice flogger/whip/jump rope/daisy chain/macaroni salad that you have there. That statement is not an invitation to hit me with it.
  • Double check to make sure that the head of your cock is not slowly leaking seminal fluid when you first introduce yourself to a stranger unless you’ve received a special invitation from them to do so.
  • Do not provoke someone into domming you by being flirtatiously insolent and “accidentally” spilling things onto someone or mishandling their possessions and then suggesting a spanking for punishment. No waka waka. The idea that it’s totally acceptable to insult or provoke someone into anger in order to manipulate them into your fantasy scene represents something of a consent comprehension collapse. You aren’t being “naughty,” you’re being a douche.
  • Titties are the nebulous space between nudity and simply not wearing a shirt. There’s a lot  of politics around tits and their grey zone of relative public appropriateness. They mark a certain level of comfort that may not be about overt sexual active exhibitionism. If you’re hanging around and titties come out, don’t do anything that might potentially make the titties go away. This is called being part of the community or “the conservation of titties.” Don’t be the reason we can’t have nice things. Ask your peers to check in with you if they think your behavior might be offensive to titties. Welcome their advice. ‘Tis a far better thing to enjoy the titties from afar than never to have enjoyed the titties at all.
  • As anyone well versed in Risk Aware Consensual Kink (R.A.C.K.) will tell you, an out-of-control fire in the dungeon play space is a very bad thing. By taking the time to look up from the very hot scene you are voyeuristicly staring directly into to scan the room for any outbreaks of fire, you will not only contribute to the health and safety of everyone playing, you also reduce your risk of being the energy-sucking-vampire-creepy-douche!

    Remember, only you can prevent dungeon fires!

  • Recognizing someone as as a sex worker or educator does not entitle you special access to their space and privacy. Just because someone is a performer does not mean that they are performing. Just because someone is an educator, does not mean that they are giving a demonstration with a question-and-answer session.

    Respect dungeon courtesy for all people in the dungeon unless you have been otherwise invited. I hate to sound like a total hippie, but in the dungeon we’re all just kinky people indulging our kinks with someone(s) special. We want a chance to enjoy our scene, get lost in each other, and then enjoy some mutual aftercare. Our partner/s are our priority at that time. The social area is the preferred place to approach someone because right now we might be getting water for someone. Can’t chat. Go to go. ‘Ain’t personal. That teddy bear is for the bitch on the cross, not you.

Thanks for reading!

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Unrealized Horror Films

[Bbox] Magazine!”]

On the cover of [SSex

There are two films which strike utter horror into me when view them in one neat sitting. Mind you, I think they are also great films with competent acting, strong direction, catchy phrases, and an ability to get inside your head for extended and often unwanted periods of time. I will watch individual scenes of them entirely captivated but I always depart before the ending and the ugly gnawing feeling they give me when viewed in one complete dose.

These films are: The Wizard Of Oz (1939) and It’s A Wonderful Life (1946).

I watch slasher flicks with glee and cheesy horror with rapt attention and extensive note taking. My favorite film genres are horror, comedy, and pornography. When I was a child, I wasn’t allowed to watch the scary movies but I always ran straight into the horror section and studied the covers and synopsis on the back. I actually fare well in horror trivia for these reasons even though there are large gaps in my viewing record. Very little on the screen actually scares or terrifies me. I find the traditionally frightening quite exciting and entertaining. Nothing brings a smile to my face like a gory and bloody on-camera evisceration. I am delighted by the fact that it is not real. I love watching artists communicate their imaginations to me in a skillful way.

When I watch those above films from start to finish, however, I feel no delight in the human condition. I can be no longer at ease at the end of these films because of the way that they ultimately laud mediocrity and the status quo. Allow me to explain.

The story of Dorthy in Oz is amazing. It’s a neat and tidy hero’s journey with delightful imagery that has captivated audiences for years. I remember the first time I watched The Wizard Of Oz. I loved it all; the songs, the costumes, the characters, the sets, and even the flying monkeys. I loved it all. Even at that first childhood viewing, something unsettled me about that ending. It made the entire thing implausible in my mind I mentally deleted it from the record as a grievous error on the part of the editor, clearly.

Oz, you see, is a place of non-stop delight. On the heels of a string of major political victories resulting in the liberation of two large populations of people and finding out the bitter truth that all wizards are really humans behind curtains, Dorthy is offered a leadership role. Everything is in color, the city is a glamorous art deco, she has three gay best friends, her dog is at her side and yet the moral of the story is, for some unknown fucking reason, for her to return to a life in black and white in the midwest during the great depression. Dream big, but happiness can only be truly found in your own black and white, depression era back yard.

Even at a single digit age I had to ask what the fuck was wrong with Dorothy? “The Great Depression” or Oz is a “cake or death” question if you ask me. As I got older, the ending bothered me more and more. Then I stumbled into the great American classic that so many people can’t get enough of, Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life.

Legend has it that the character “George Bailey” was named after a canyon in the city where I spent my childhood and adolescence. Everyone knows lines from this movie at least because television stations will play it for 24 hours straight during the holiday season. Jimmy Stewart delivers his heartwarming performance and everyone knows that every time a bell rings, an angel gets it wings.

Now aside from the sentimental schlock that makes me run in terror the basic premise of the film is: some people are just destined for a life of total mediocrity. George Bailey has dreams. He longs to get out of his town and see the world, have a few adventures, get to really experience life. He watches other people go off and do great things. His brother is a war hero and he stays at home. He has a wife and children that he loves very much but he’s unfulfilled. Well guess what, George: no matter how big you dream, you no matter how strong you yearn, you will fuck up the world order with your own personal happiness. The status quo is the wonderful life.

I have no problems with claustrophobia in literally tight and closed off spaces. When I watch It’s A Wonderful Life I feel like I can’t breathe. I have to open a window and go for a walk. It hangs over me like a sense of dread. What is the fucking meaning of this movie and why is it the perennial classic? I always pretend that the people in the town took up a collection to send poor George Bailey, keeper of unrealized dreams, on a vacation somewhere on the other side of the world alone for a couple of a months. Give the poor guy something.

Langston Hughes wrote the antithesis of It’s A Wonderful Life with impeccable word craft in “Dream Deferred”:

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

 

 

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J. Edgar

The reviews about the new biopic about J. Edgar Hoover directed by Clint Eastwood had spoken of individual moments of greatness awash in an underwhelming sea. It was said that Leonard DiCaprio gave a strong performance but the editing had something lacking and that the narrative thread was coming apart at the seams. Amid this there was always something to compliment. Individual scenes were mentioned as highlights so long as one ignored most of their context. My own viewing backed much of this up; something was missing but there were moments when I was aware that powerful cinematic work was underway.

I’m the first to say that I’m a stubborn skeptic of Mr. DiCaprio’s acting but this is due largely to the trauma of having been in junior high when one of my most hated films ever was unleashed onto cinemas, sweeping the country into a mad frenzy over icebergs and tits. I felt as though my peers had all gone suddenly insane. The girls were carrying fold out pictures of one Mr. Leonardo DiCaprio. It literally happened overnight. I had always been to the sides and something of an outcast but one day I went to the school and a chasm had appeared in the visage of a young man with a severe widow’s peak and sandy hair. I’ve never been able to fully trust him as an actor since.

I recognize that this is a personal issue to work on and my therapist says I’ve made excellent progress.

Ever the cowboy, Clint Eastwood seemed reluctant to afford sexuality to his queer characters although sex is behind every corner as per its customary cameo in any film with the audacity to deliberately exclude it from the guest list.

Eastwood presents the picture that Hoover was gay and met a handsome young man willing to put up with all of his bullshit, and forged a lifelong partnership in a contentious political climate but never fucked, not even once, not even after listening to a specially commissioned audio recording of J.F.K. fucking Marilyn Monroe. There was a notable exception in the film’s blackmail list. Hoover went after a lot of people and certainly Martin Luther King, Jr. He also instigated a special investigation into Jack Valenti, the founder of the MPAA. It was rumored that Mr. Valenti, champion of the “family values” that determine whether or not a film is allowed to advertise or be openly distributed, was also having a gay lover affair.

I imagine it would be uncomfortable for a studio system supported project to delve into such uncomfortable territory.

That said, there was a scene between Dame Judi Dench and DiCaprio that stole my breath away. Edgar comes home from the nightclub after a pleasant conversation goes strikingly south when he is accosted by multiple people at once while with his partner. He begins to slip into his childhood stutter and his mother directs him to begin practicing his speaking exercises.

I have to give DiCaprio props for his thoughtful acting because I knew it was a coming out scene from the moment the camera came up between them. I could identify the tension in his body and the quickened breathing in his chest. He gave the kind of performance that is a reminder that there is something in coming out that is kind of like suicide. So often, people come out of the closet because the pain outmatches the fear. On the screen you could see the visible shift from pain in those stunted utterances, “You know I don’t like to dance,  with women,” into a fearful resignation at the end of his mother’s speech.

Judi Dench makes a formidable overbearing mother. She reminds Edgar of a young man whose nickname was “Daffy,” not as a reference to being “crazy” but as a shortened form of Daffodil. The young man was caught being queer and harassed until his suicide. She finishes the story by looking right at Edgar and saying, “I would rather have a dead son than a daffodil.” 

My eyes shut and I bowed my head in reverence. For what, I do not know. There was a searing pain there that flashed for a moment across the electric highways of my brain like an old bruise until my reason kicked in and reminded me that I was watching fiction. It’s all as untrue as Freddy Krueger. The film has a multitude of deficits but it shined there. DiCaprio displayed a deftness with his craft I didn’t know he had in him.

In many ways, the sex is removed from Hoover’s relationship to make him stand in more for that fearful metaphor that indulging in sex is a form of anarchy. Where many have grabbed the liquor bottle, the needle, or the playing cards to cope we see Hoover go for control. He maintained a constant vigilance against those who challenged authority, namely his.

That’s what’s so agonizingly painful about the decision to keep him chaste for what was, at best, the work of a film maker constructing a metaphor or, at the more likely, a fear of constructing a man on man romance that is both erotic, loving, and lifelong. The whole point is that some of the worst anti-sex politicians have also been realeaved to have had exciting and lewd lives who constructed a paradigm in which their sins could be forgiven through legislation rather than self-flagellation. Our culture is terriefied that people who lay back and enjoy the pleasures of their own bodies will break the floodgates of civilization. We are resolutely human with all of the rights, privileges, and illogical quagmires therein.

As far as my politics go, it shouldn’t shock you that I lean a bit to the left. A bit more than that. Just a bit more. Right about there. I’ve always been a bit ambivalent about Hoover. On one hand, he was a strong proponent of science. Without Hoover, we might not have had Quantico. Without Quantico, we would have no Silence Of The Lambs. It’s important to keep these things in perspective. On the other hand, he was a rabid dick weasel. That cannot be ignored, either. I’ve always regarded him as something of a compelling figure but I never anticipated encountering any form of media that would make me want to retroactively give J. Edgar Hoover a hug. Even with all of the films flaws, poorly stitched narrative structure, and trepidation with sex it’s impossible to call it a failure of filmmaking.

It’s a portrayal of Hoover as a human creature who was more than just the sum of his own flaws but also a product of his times. I had never stopped to consider whether or not J. Edgar Hoover could have been on the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder spectrum in his insatiable need to control and micromanage everything in his context. When humans develop obsessions and compulsive behaviors, it is very often linked to excruciatingly deep anxiety and fear.

The story of J. Edgar Hoover as a political figure is the very essence of why a government must be of the people, by the people, and for the people. We shall never, among humans, find an individual who sees the world from outside of their own perspective. This is why diversity is paramount in leadership. The only for a government to see and take into account the needs of all people is for it to be composed of all people. There must be checks and balances and fair representation across classes, genders, sexualities, ethnicities,  and physical abilities. J. Edgar Hoover had the unchecked power to unquestionably indulge his perspective and define justice at his own discretion. When fear and hatred are given the space to prevail, they will. It is almost as if corruption is a dominant gene in the human species.

I do feel empathy for the pain of anyone with an alternative sexuality living in an anti-sex culture. Being a queer kid at a Catholic school was hard enough, I cannot imagine coming up in politics at a time when being outed as queer did mean the end of your public career. At the same time, acting from pain does not entitle one to punish, hurt, or use others to relieve it. I think it’s important to recognize the cycles of abuse and fear and how to shape the course of history, law, and justice and to break them by persistently presenting a case for the spectrum of human difference that makes us so beautiful.

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More Musings On #OWS

But what do the protesters want? It’s so chaotic. There are signs about Palestine, abortion, foreclosure, wall street, the police, global warming, everything! It’s just a meaningless display taking up resources and making things worse. They need to go away.

Well, that’s what I hear a lot of people saying. I get that. Intersectionality is a hard thing to grapple with and it still makes me feel like rocks are breaking in my head when I sit down and really think about it. A lot of America is in denial about the fact that the blood coming out of the bath tub, the thumping up the stairs when no one is there, the flying dishes in the kitchen, the way the appliances all suddenly turn on at once and then shut down completely, the apparition of a wailing woman in the hallway, the congregation of flies on the wall paper might indicate the presence of a malicious poltergeist that must me exorcised from our midst before it kills us all.

You can’t miss the forest for the trees in situations like these. Pain to the others should not be accepted as an unavoidable side effect of the power and success of the exceptionally few. It is foolish to create protective barriers around bazillionaires that keep them free from restrictions or justice because you hope to some day be a bazillionaire for the same reason it would be foolish not to worry about the paying the rent because you bought a lottery ticket. Occupy Wall Street is hardly about revolution so much as it is about reformation. It’s calling the far reaches of the rich out of motherfucking bounds.

Then there’s the camping issue. It’s so messy, it’s a health hazard, it slows business, if you let the homeless in you WILL have problems, professionals need to handle that. I’ve spent many years working with the homeless so I have something to say about that. First and foremost, the “professionals” do not have it under control. Why? There’s a lot of corporate interest in there, too. When I worked at a multi-million corporate styled non-profit agency, I was prohibited from acting in the best interests of my clients when it came to education about safer substance use, specifically IV drug use.

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The Road To Shameless

Maggie’s Note: I’m reposting this amazing event at the Center For Sex and Culture TOMORROW NIGHT, 11-15-11 in San Francisco. If you’re in the area, go check it out and support sexual assault survival storytelling.
(This announcement contains references to sexual assault and recovery.)
YOU ARE INVITED – ONE NIGHT ONLY
Dixie De La Tour, Bawdy Storytelling and Stories 2 Stop Rape
present a one-night only performance by National Story Slam Champion Nancy Donoval:
THE ROAD TO SHAMELESS:
A Survivor’s Tale of Sexual Assault and Healing

 Written and performed by Nancy Donoval
“[Nancy Donoval] has mastered the art of telling stories that are
funny and heart-wrenching at the same time.”
- Chicago Reader, Critic’s Choice
Advance tickets at:
7:00 – Doors Open
7:30 – Show Starts
Q&A follows the performance.
The Center for Sex and Culture
1349 Mission Street, San Francisco
“Nancy’s story is as much for men as women.
Beautiful, difficult, heartfelt stories — this show is a gift.”
- Kevin Kling – Playwright, NPR Commentator, Author of The Dog Says How
Flat Rate Tickets:
$12 advance / $15 at the door

Sliding Scale Tickets
Pay What You Can Afford $5 – $25 (advance and at the door)
No one turned away for lack of funds.

Listen to Nancy’s story slam-winning excerpt of
The Road to Shameless on Chicago Public Radio at:

“An experience of exhilarating liberation! There are so many
people in my life that I want to hear this story.”
- Elizabeth O’Sullivan, audience member
Tickets at:
Whether survivor, friend or family many of us struggle with how to talk openly about sexual violence. The issue can become even thornier when survivor and assailant know each other. Nancy Donoval was a 19-year-old freshmen theater major when she went out for a night of fun and drinking and was sexually assaulted by a friend.  She knew what had been done to her was awful, but she didn’t know to call it rape. Like a lot of people, she thought sexual assault meant a stranger in a dark alley, not someone you trust in a place you thought was safe.
 
Today, Nancy is a critically acclaimed performing artist specializing in performance memoir that finds humor in the hard stuff of life such as grief and loss, body image, disability and sexual violence.  Nancy won the 2010 National Story Slam Championship with an excerpt from The Road to Shameless, her one-woman show that turns the experience of being a sexual assault survivor into powerful, transformative public art.  This witty, compassionate tale speaks the unspeakable with humor and grace making what might seem too difficult not only bearable but, in the words of one audience member, “an experience of exhilarating liberation.”
“Like the best storytellers, [Nancy Donoval] transforms the events in the telling and
ultimately arrives at a deeply meaningful hope.  [Told] with self-deprecating
wit and quirky insight…profoundly moving.”
- William Randall Beard
Minneapolis Star Tribune
More than an account of a sexual assault, The Road to Shameless puts rape in the context of Nancy’s life as a daughter, sister, girlfriend, theater artist, and budding activist. Using her skills as a storyteller, she gently invites us into key moments in her journey of survival: wearing overalls to erase any sign of being a girl; acting in plays with her assailant after the assault; finally being given the word ‘rape’ for what was done to her by someone she was dating–while they were sitting on his bed and he was lobbying for sex; how friends and family reacted when she told them; and the long twisting path from denial and silence to recovery and healing and eventually to becoming an outspoken voice for change.
Artful and wise. This is pitch-perfect storytelling, witty as the
best stand-up comedy but with a brilliant structure that
delivers the audience to its dead-serious heart.
- Patricia Weaver Francisco
Author, Telling: A Memoir of Rape and Recovery
Last month, as part of her work as a sexual violence educator for college campuses (www.Stories2StopRape.com), Nancy took this show back to where it happened, meeting with and telling her story to current members at the fraternity house where her attacker had lived and the assault took place. It was a powerful experience for all involved and highlighted the need to tell and listen to difficult stories such as these if we are to change our culture to embrace both “Yes” and “No” without shame.

“I learned there was hope and humor and healing somewhere in the hell.”
- Kenzie K., Augsburg College
“Nancy tells a story filled with meaning and has somehow found
a way to use humor in a discussion about recovery from violence.
Her words are powerful, revealing and ultimately healing.”
- Roberta Gibbons, Asst. Professor
Violence Prevention and Intervention, Metropolitan State University
For more info on Nancy and her programs:

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Porn And Accessibility: Call For Transcribers


When Ned and I started Meet The Mayhems, we wanted to make a porn website that reflected our sexuality on our terms and was welcoming and accessible to our desired audience. We believe that accessibility is vital but with a two person team running the entire show from the back to the front we’re far from perfect. Accessibility is about a lot of different things all at once and there is no finite finish line of accessibility. It is a never ending process and we put in our work to check our own perspective/privilege and consider the needs of different people who might be on the hunt for the erotic content we enjoy making.

On a technical level, accessibility is about making sure that the website itself is viewable to people with a diverse array of operating systems, browsers, and internet connection speeds. Between the two of us, there’s still a lot of work to be accomplished on that front. Often times it is work that you may not see because your OS, browser, and connection makes everything 100% visible, clear, and relatively easy to navigate. That’s awesome! We also want to make sure that someone with different resources can also get there and to do so means staring at hundreds of lines of code to identify glitches and broaden our technical accessibility.

Keywords and vocabulary are another part of accessibility. Even if the video or photos are super sexy and hot to a given audience, the language associated with the content might be a major turn off to some folks. While we are fully aware that no matter what we do, the art and science of attraction means that we won’t ever be able to get everyone off sexually. We also want to keep our language in check to make sure that we aren’t using language abusive to experiences that are not our own. It’s a fine line to walk: we have to contend with the likes of the anti-porn legions who believe that depicting a naked and sexual woman is oppressive in and of itself and as well as legitimate criticisms about our own blind spots.

One area we want to put time and effort into it is closed captioning for anyone who would like to know what is being said but cannot hear it for whatever reason. Sometimes our sound sucks because we don’t have external microphones, sometimes having the sound on is a liability to your porn watching, and some folks hear sound differently or not at all. We are looking for volunteers to help transcribe our porn. We’re looking for just a few people to help us out on this front because we don’t have very much yet but we will be putting out lots of new content.

If you want to check out our porn and can lend a hand writing down the dialogue word for word, send us an email: info@meetthemayhems.com. We’ll set you up with a lifetime membership to the website in exchange for your hard work. For those who have a name they would like credited, please let us know. If you have your own website or blog we’ll help get you setup with an affiliate account as well if you’re interested. Thanks for your interest and pass on the good word!

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